Just to warn you, there is absolutely no point or goal in my mind as I'm writing this now. I have a lot of thoughts going through my head, and I just want to vomit them somewhere :)
Life has been busy...so busy. I never dreamed that my entire life would change as drastically as it has since I've been here in TF. I was just going through OLD letters that Lissy sent me, birthday and Christmas cards from years past from a combination of people and I just come back to thinking about my journey with the Lord Jesus thus far.
Every year, I store the most precious things I own in some boxes and open them up once I move into my new place, and I just had a beautiful realization, this year I can take them all home....
I'm not feeling homesick or lonely, I'm feeling like I can't believe how much change has been instigated by the past few years. I'm in awe...
My life was...not something I was very informed about. I didn't know what I wanted to do after high school; to be honest, I never thought about it. I
did want to move to Chicago, start a band and life the dream from there with my best friend at the time but that fell through before my Junior year in high school. I wanted to be a Marine, mostly for selfish reasons. Probably to get attention from girls, kind of like when you get a cast and suddenly you're surrounded with attention/affection, but as I reflect now, I do want to join the Marines - to witness to brothers who have a lesser chance of living than the civilian does. I want to give them the hope that I have. The hope in the gospel of Christ.
I started college really not knowing anything about careers, other than the fact that I needed one. I wanted to get married, I was so desperate for love it was pathetic. No, really; not putting myself down, I would lay down my life for a drop of true love, but it never satisfied...because I never found love that lasts. I wanted to do cardiology, sociology, chemistry, biology, criminal justice, business, I was all over the place. I thought my girlfriend at the time had more of a leg up than I did at life. There wasn't much I was interested in, other than sex, cigarettes, music and money. Let me tell you this now, I didn't care about any one of those subjects which I studied my first semester of college; I just wanted something to pay the bills and to quiet my parents. I thought I was a follower of Christ since the following summer, but my actions canceled out any good deed I had invested; I was living the life of a two-faced cultural Christian. I couldn't really read the Bible very well, could not interpret it for myself, I really didn't want to read it everyday (and sometimes I still don't, only because I'm stubborn still)
I'm really trying to find my journey here. I've always been encouraged by my friends from church, and even inspired from friends of other churches. I loved the summer of my transition to TFC, it was my most prized memory (aside from many new ones, such as the beginning of my courtship with Lissy) along with the memories that came from the summer camp which Beau and Steven led, "The Refining."
The Refining was the most life changing event of my life. Seriously, it was then that Mike and I had become not only best friends, but a ministry team - ones who would keep one another accountable and share the desire to grow in our faith. I liked Mike alot, he's always been an amazing friend. No matter how stupid our decisions have been, he's always been at my side. We argued a lot, but what good friendship doesn't? If I didn't have Mike along my side when we began ministry, I would have faded back into my old life, I know it. I wasn't much of an example for God, but I always wanted to try a bit harder every time I learned more about Him. Mike and I would do everything together, from wasting time around the local university to attempting to evangelize the local mall; you name it, we tried it. It was always together or nothing in the beginning of my journey in faith. I had been baptized into Christ, but I didn't understand a thing about what I did, other than get baptized. I remember Mike and I serving together in middle and high school ministry, on worship teams, in discipleship groups, we probably spent 6 days out of the week at church; we weren't on staff either. Kinda crazy as I think about it.
I don't think I'll continue writing about my journey just yet, I feel the need to focus on the Lord.
Pray
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