Just to warn you, there is absolutely no point or goal in my mind as I'm writing this now. I have a lot of thoughts going through my head, and I just want to vomit them somewhere :)


Life has been busy...so busy. I never dreamed that my entire life would change as drastically as it has since I've been here in TF. I was just going through OLD letters that Lissy sent me, birthday and Christmas cards from years past from a combination of people and I just come back to thinking about my journey with the Lord Jesus thus far.

Every year, I store the most precious things I own in some boxes and open them up once I move into my new place, and I just had a beautiful realization, this year I can take them all home....
I'm not feeling homesick or lonely, I'm feeling like I can't believe how much change has been instigated by the past few years. I'm in awe...

My life was...not something I was very informed about. I didn't know what I wanted to do after high school; to be honest, I never thought about it. I did want to move to Chicago, start a band and life the dream from there with my best friend at the time but that fell through before my Junior year in high school. I wanted to be a Marine, mostly for selfish reasons. Probably to get attention from girls, kind of like when you get a cast and suddenly you're surrounded with attention/affection, but as I reflect now, I do want to join the Marines - to witness to brothers who have a lesser chance of living than the civilian does. I want to give them the hope that I have. The hope in the gospel of Christ.

I started college really not knowing anything about careers, other than the fact that I needed one. I wanted to get married, I was so desperate for love it was pathetic. No, really; not putting myself down, I would lay down my life for a drop of true love, but it never satisfied...because I never found love that lasts. I wanted to do cardiology, sociology, chemistry, biology, criminal justice, business, I was all over the place. I thought my girlfriend at the time had more of a leg up than I did at life. There wasn't much I was interested in, other than sex, cigarettes, music and money. Let me tell you this now, I didn't care about any one of those subjects which I studied my first semester of college; I just wanted something to pay the bills and to quiet my parents. I thought I was a follower of Christ since the following summer, but my actions canceled out any good deed I had invested; I was living the life of a two-faced cultural Christian. I couldn't really read the Bible very well, could not interpret it for myself, I really didn't want to read it everyday (and sometimes I still don't, only because I'm stubborn still)

I'm really trying to find my journey here. I've always been encouraged by my friends from church, and even inspired from friends of other churches. I loved the summer of my transition to TFC, it was my most prized memory (aside from many new ones, such as the beginning of my courtship with Lissy) along with the memories that came from the summer camp which Beau and Steven led, "The Refining."

The Refining was the most life changing event of my life. Seriously, it was then that Mike and I had become not only best friends, but a ministry team - ones who would keep one another accountable and share the desire to grow in our faith. I liked Mike alot, he's always been an amazing friend. No matter how stupid our decisions have been, he's always been at my side. We argued a lot, but what good friendship doesn't? If I didn't have Mike along my side when we began ministry, I would have faded back into my old life, I know it. I wasn't much of an example for God, but I always wanted to try a bit harder every time I learned more about Him. Mike and I would do everything together, from wasting time around the local university to attempting to evangelize the local mall; you name it, we tried it. It was always together or nothing in the beginning of my journey in faith. I had been baptized into Christ, but I didn't understand a thing about what I did, other than get baptized. I remember Mike and I serving together in middle and high school ministry, on worship teams, in discipleship groups, we probably spent 6 days out of the week at church; we weren't on staff either. Kinda crazy as I think  about it.

I don't think I'll continue writing about my journey just yet, I feel the need to focus on the Lord.

Pray

cause I'm addicted, I'm needy, I'm lost without You.


I'm not completely sure why I'm writing right now. It's 1am, I feel as though time just slips through my fingers like cupping water in your hands. This past vacation, I've lived a ridiculously routine life. Wake up, call people, orchestrate plan, execute plan, go home, go to sleep, repeat.

It drives me nuts. I want to get rid of my cell phone, I'm starting to think my prof was right about cell phones "the concept of having absolutely anyone contact you at anytime is repulsing."

Today, I went to church.
I went to church because I wanted to.
I want share this, I went to church today because I wanted my spontaneous act of service to be worship. An offering to Him only, not because I want to build something, but because I want God to know I love Him more today.

If it sounds like I'm hurting, it's because I feel like I can't articulate my thoughts well. It's frustrating, but I'm sure some may understand. My mind at the moment feels like a sore spot. When I was cleaning my church earlier I felt so much negative feedback inside; Satan over and over kept calling me names that hurt to remember. I couldn't look anyone in the face during this time because I had to scream inside my head that I am not an outwardly religious man, there is a God and His kingdom is my life (that is, service to the king).

I'm not a snobby Bible student
My flesh bleeds as yours does.

I'm fine, I just needed to get this out of my head. Prayer is always appreciated
Matthew 5

Beginning this blog, I pray that all who read it may not be distracted by the words that I write, thinking that I have turned this journal into a lair where men wear black robes and discuss ancient books by fire light.  Mike and I have been planning to do a theological journey in an attempt to find identity within us and with the sole purpose of discovering truth, the real truth. For the next few entries, we’re going to be exploring the five points of Calvinism, TULIP

Total Depravity
Unconditional Election
Limited Atonement
Irresistible Grace
Perseverance of the Saints

Tonight, we tackle Total Depravity:

Sin has affected all parts of man. The heart, emotions, will, mind, and body are all affected by sin. We are completely sinful. We are not as sinful as we could be, but we are completely affected by sin.
      The doctrine of Total Depravity is derived from scriptures that reveal human character: Man’s heart is evil (Mark 7:21-23) and sick (Jer. 17:9). Man is a slave of sin (Rom. 6:20). He does not seek for God (Rom. 3:10-12). He cannot understand spiritual things (1 Cor. 2:14). He is at enmity with God (Eph. 2:15). And, is by nature a child of wrath (Eph. 2:3). The Calvinist asks the question, "In light of the scriptures that declare man’s true nature as being utterly lost and incapable, how is it possible for anyone to choose or desire God?" The answer is, "He cannot. Therefore God must predestine."
     Calvinism also maintains that because of our fallen nature we are born again not by our own will but God’s will (John 1:12-13); God grants that we believe (Phil. 1:29); faith is the work of God (John 6:28-29); God appoints people to believe (Acts 13:48); and God predestines (Eph. 1:1-11; Rom. 8:29; 9:9-23).

According to this doctrine, men have no possibility to choose or desire God. Could this be accurate? My answer: One of the fallacies of Calvinism consists of the severe downplay when it comes to free will. I may state whole-heartedly that I am not either Armenian nor Calvinist, but when it comes to contrasting the two, neither really make sense. To maintain a doctrine of Total Depravity suggests (or rather insists) that the free will of man does not exist. I don’t believe that Calvin considers the fact that men may resist the gospel (Luke 10:9-11) as well as the fact that the calling of the kingdom is quite demanding (Luke 9:62, Matthew 11:12, Luke 16:16). I do agree with this concerning that men are by nature children of wrath, however their argument concerning faith being the work of God is weak; I believe faith to be something of free-will. If the faith of one to place into the Creator wouldn’t that remove the significance of faith? If I were to fall in love with my girlfriend because she secretly is a witch and cast a spell on me, would not the love that I offer her be less significant than that if I choose to love her? Our God is a great God worthy of the highest praise, logically I would imagine that the Lord would desire love of the highest significance; of the highest quality, by freewill. Since creation, God has always been the initiator, and I believe that God initiates saving grace for all by the great commission and His own desire (1 Timothy 2:4). Concerning pre-destination, the verse affirming our seal in Christ to be valid, but we must be very careful with this terminology in context of evangelism. My only challenge to all of this would be from Romans 11:23, 25

Though Israel blew it with God, the Gentiles are also to be the people of God. It was never ordained that only Israel was to be God’s people.
1 Corinthians 3:16

To sum this all up, let us affirm that the validity of Calvinist arguments being that man is a slave of sin, he does not seek for God, he cannot understand spiritual things, and is by nature a child of wrath. I seem to be fumbling over pre-destination, however it is biblical and I will side with it; I do not claim to have a complete understand over the area of pre-destination. Read the introduction to Ephesians and see what I mean. This entire course is a summary, a very, very rough sketch of my conclusion of Total Depravity. Most of this argument is valid, however the missing element throughout Calvinism is the free-will of man. We’ll continue to explore this, feel free to drop a comment or correct me.


Let us end with a reminder of Christ’s great love for us, that he has died that we may live. Love one another, and do not neglect your own vineyard ☺

In His Service,
Dennis